are we more prepared or less decisive?
a close friend and i had an interesting discussion yesterday evening about our generation's definition of commitment. what is the threshold between waiting to be ready for commitment and merely being indecisive?
i read an interesting Newsweek article at the doctor's office a few months ago. it was about the rising average age of marriage ("the marriage crunch"). what i found interesting was that they reported stats on the age of first marriages and their likelihood of failure**. the likelihood that a first marriage will end in divorce, based on the age when the marriage was entered:
20-22: 29.7%
23-27: 26.9%
28 & up: 45.1%
i don't know how to interpret these statistics. in my mind, waiting means being more prepared. but the statistics show that waiting also leads to a higher likelihood of failure. is it because we've gotten used to living our independent ways after a certain age, and the changes required to be in a committed partnership end up being too great?
the discussion about commitment last night covered many areas (work, property, family, etc.), but i propose marriage as the defining topic in this posting because it's upheld as one of the most significant commitments in most societies. thoughts?
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** i tried looking online to verify the precise question (i had only written the percentages down). the online version of Newsweek includes the article text, but not the section on statistics. if i get a chance to spend some time in a library, i'll try to track down the physical copy of the issue and get the precise question to which the above percentages respond.
3 comments:
I'd be interested in knowing how many of the 28+ are second marriages, status post 'starter marriages'. And the long-term followup of these relationships. Most divorcees of the generation above us wait until the 25th year anniversary to go splitsville. Partly because they are more committed, partly because women were not realizing their potentials as more than household managers. And ultimately, the 'success' of a marriage, or any relationship, can't be measured by, Are you still together? check yes or no.
to clarify: the statistics listed were for the age of persons entering their first marriage.
It's interesting to me that the 23-27 bracket is less likely to divorce than the just-out-of college crowd--a little life experience and maturity does seem to count for something. But I'd agree with your initial guess--the older we get after that mid-20's range (I think I've read that much of our personality and values formation gets relatively set around 25-26), the more we are set in who we are and set in our independence, and less able to adjust to 'becoming one' with another person. This doesn't mean it can't happen--I know plenty of strong marriages of people who got married in their 30's (or older). But it may mean that the older we get, the more important compatibility is; and also just a recognition that it's harder to integrate two lives that are a bit more defined. It may also be that because we are more used to living independently, there feels like less urgency to hold on to a commitment through the inevitable downturns any marriage experiences.
But who knows? I still want to get married someday :)
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