Mother's Day

I've not had a great relationship with my mother during my lifetime. There are dozens of reasons why this is the case, nearly none of which are appropriate to share on a website, but this to say that Mother's Day is never a holiday I look forward to.

To be honest, holidays are typically only time I see my parents (who live a mere 25 minutes away). The annual schedule is predictable and consistent: Mom's birthday, my birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Sam's birthday, Dad's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's. This averages to once every 5-6 weeks. Aside from a few anomalies here and there, this has been the pattern most of my adult life. The less I have to see them, the less I am confronted with our issues.

...

It occurred to me this Mother's Day that I'm running out of holidays. These past few years, every time I see my mother, she is weaker and more tired. She's constantly getting sick, and my father walks with her by the arm much more often than merely for affection. She made it to my birthday party, but was in the hospital just two days before.

I can't begin to describe what this is doing to me inside. I have no idea how many Mother's Days I have left with her, but it doesn't feel like many.