a harmless enigma
i've ended/began the new year with historical reading: old emails, old blog posts, etc. it was deeply humbling to see how perspectives and interpretations of events change over time, how much some things change, and how much other things stay the same.
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last night, after i described a personal situation to a friend, she asked me what it meant. after i paused for a couple beats too long, she said: "it is what it is?"
i thought about that phrase this morning, as i prepared myself for a full day of semi-traditional New Year's contemplative rituals. i thought about how we in the educated class are encouraged to interpret and philosophize the minutia of our lives. we are praised for our critical analysis, verbally rewarded for our deep thoughts. but to what end? our own perspectives & interpretations (to some degree, thankfully) aren't consistent. what will change will change; what will endure will endure.
i can say that most of the 'brilliant' self-analyses i've conducted over the last several years haven't stood the test of time. in the personal literature review, i'd say that i was wronger then than i am now. and i'll be wronger today than i will be in a year. this should embarrass me (it does), but it also gives me hope. it means that i'm still teachable. it is an antidote to immaturity.
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this morning's review of old blog posts led me to this (which i originally posted in October 2006). "I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth." - Umberto Eco. i'm not sure i totally agree with the quote's entirety, but i can relate to grief and terror caused by our vain, mad attempts to assign meaning where we ought not.
can a mad person treat themself out of insanity? i think not; I need God.
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happy New year: may it be filled with fresh beginnings, existing loves, and carryover truths.
3 comments:
thanks for this food for thought.
i also re-read some old letters & writing last night, including one from you sent in 2005 from seoul. your words in that letter seemed to be responding to the same desires i would write today- a longing for deep community & the search for lasting contentment. your words to me then were as infused with grace & love as the words in this post are now.
some of you gracious words remain & are what they are.
has it been hard reading old letters & writing for you? or have they, for the most part, been a blessing?
i've very much appreciated the things that people have wrote to me over the years; you've written me some amazing letters over the years.
i've been struggling more with what i've written than what i've received, so thank you for reminding me of the positive aspects.
i'm hoping for your stay in Cambodia: good health, close friendships, meaningful discipleship, great food that doesn't lead to food poisoning, and deep and joyful intimacy with Daniel and with God.
I LOVE YOU!
thank you, thank you, dear suj'n.
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