hope in the present

i'm currently in Honolulu at the National Coalition of Asian Pacific American Community Developers convention. i've been here since Tuesday night. i will participate in a policy roundtable discussion this afternoon on foreclosure prevention & predatory lending - and then fly home overnight.

for the most part, i have not been going to the conference. it's been a good time instead for me to get away from the office, hang out with our WILD youth, and spend time with the former Executive Director of IDHA (with whom i'm crashing in Hawaii).

it's been an extremely challenging year. most of you know that my work has been demanding for the past several months, but i have intentionally shared little about why. one thing i've learned, even more so than running one-to-two staff MPC, is being in an Executive Director position is a lonely place. some things you can share with staff but not friends and partners; some things you can share with some (close, trustworthy) friends and partners but not staff; a lot of things you simply cannot share.

but this all is soon to end as i finish up the month as Executive Director and pass the baton to another individual in September. i have a great deal of ambivalence about this, for many reasons. i'm sad to leave IDHA and all that it has meant to me.

on the other hand, these past couple weeks have revealed how disconnected i've become to the world outside of IDHA. huge developments have happened with me recently - a new romance, an enormous professional disappointment, plans for a six-month sojourn to the other side of the world... and hardly a curious peep from folks about any of these. this lack of curiosity from my friends has driven the point home: my job has isolated me from people.

in this way, i am happy to be moving on from my job. i want my personal life back, and relationships that build and grow. i am looking forward to life together, desire together, hope together. i am still here...