the odyssey

a loved one and i met yesterday evening. we are on our life journeys and each time we meet each other, we bring to the moment the hard lessons we've learned along the way. last night's conversation was the most honest i think we've ever had. the least amount of self-betrayal. our hearts were raw and available for the other to bless and release. together we grieved our shared dreams and then let them go. my broken heart became whole again.

as he shared his vision for worship and life, it also reminded me what i want out of mine; i was deeply inspired by his hope. before our talk, i had started yielding to the pressure at work to consider applying for the ED job. after listening to him speak openly of hopes i'd stashed away over the last several months, i realized i still want to pursue my dream of living overseas, writing books and bringing salt to the earth. if no one better qualified applies, i can still offer myself in the interim but i don't think another directorship is what i'm looking for right now. i want to nurture other areas of my life; and with my schedule, i barely can.

our conversation also released me in another respect. i have this little itty bitty crush on a guy with an amazing smile, and as silly as it sounds it's been a little hard to enjoy it because i hadn't released Z. i hadn't fully claimed my heart back. but for the most part, i don't feel unfaithful anymore; i can giggle and be stupid around the crush without feeling disloyal.

on a scale from 1 to 10: life is 8.5. i have a good life. i have good friends. i have a good job. i like a lot about myself, and i'm confident i'll keep growing in the areas i don't. and if the crush pays any attention to me, it may go up to 8.75! :)