superNovas can implode

it's true. i've officially become a workaholic. never thought this day would come...

ok so the headaches, lack of sleep and dry eyes are practically killing me. awake or asleep, i'm constantly planning the realignment of our budget, staff, programs to our resources, goals, vision. in the past two weeks, several of our staff have wept with me (and i wept with others). but i love the work i do, the people i work with and the challenges i face in my position. i'm honored that in just three months, the staff and community have entrusted me with the huge privilege of helping run & lead the 29-year-old organization during significant transition. i love that we are so close-knit that we can be vulnerable enough to cry with each other.

in spite of personal areas of gross immaturity, i've experienced emotional growth in the past few months. i've shared with the management team and some of the office staff that i've been struggling with painful personal and family issues since i went to korea. instead of rejecting me, they empower me. they constantly tell me how glad they are that i'm with this agency through transition, that my spirit and skills are valued, and that i'm a joy to be around. in my weakness and my strength, i'm accepted and empowered as a leader. and in this, i'm able to confidently support the others in their fears and their hopes. (our agency has a huge culture of moral support. have i told you how much i love the people i work with??)

yesterday stella told me about a character in the original star trek series that would heal captain kirk of his wounds by serving as a medium to soaking up his pain; she said that ever since i've been with IDHA, i've been that medium. without intending to, i've come in and begun soaking up the agency's pain. i giggled at her comment, but deep down i sense that in serving as a medium for others' pain, i am experiencing much healing for my own.

i do wish i had time for other friendships. this is a season.