fighting lies

a friend and i are having an interesting dialogue about self-betrayal - what happens when we act in denial of our desires. it's been a fascinating exercise to review the evolution of pain/strife that follows an act of self-betrayal. small or big instance alike, every act of self-betrayal i can think of empties into some form of destruction. even something as seemingly innocuous as denying that i want a piece of chocolate...

desire is suppressed,
which then emerges in an uncontrolled manner,
which leads to self-loathing/guilt,
which leads to justification (attempted moral realignment),
which leads to shutting out and/or judging others' desires,
which leads to resentment of self or others,
which leads to more suppression/depression,
the cycle continues.

i'm thinking about aesop's "sour grapes", and how i spend so much energy trying to convince myself and others that i don't want something. in the end, everyone knows the fox wants the grapes. it was foolishness to deny it, and what's involved in keeping others from enjoying their desires in order to keep one's own lies intact is more than foolishness; it's wicked. it's something as simple as telling another who would also like the chocolate piece, "go ahead, i don't want it. chocolate is fattening!" it also then means not being able to truly enjoy chocolate in the presence of said friend again (or excusing oneself repeatedly by saying, "well, this is a special occasion so it's okay this time..."). this is a rather innocuous example, so imagine what happens when desires such as the ones of our hearts and souls are denied. it is chaos and pandomonium; inner for certain, outer most likely as well.

anyway, this conversation makes me think that john piper is indeed right: 1) we are made for desire, and 2) pursuing desire is glorious. if in fact "God" represents completion and the opposite of destruction, then could the denial of desire be the denial of "God"?