composing a life

this is the title of a book by Mary Cather Bateson about how our lives, particularly with women in this day and age, are non-linear. we go in one direction, change directions, sometimes go on different paths for good, sometimes go back to paths we once left.

i feel like i'm in an active stage of "composing my life". today, i returned to the doctoral program - and was reminded in three hours' time why i left and why i wanted to be there. academia is a powerful and privileged place, that creates its meaning through inaccessibility. we spent two hours coming to shared interpretation of vocabulary: hegemony, axiology, translationalism, grounded theory, tautology, phenomenology, generative thoery, praxis, bicoleur, eticology, ontology, interpretivism, critical theory (the list goes on and on and on). i despise this aspect of academia, particularly in social welfare where our intention is to create wider access for people. is this possible when we use language that serves an elitist and gate-keeping function? i used to deride intellectualism for its very aim to distinguish itself from the "masses".

however, i am also reminded that those who have power (i.e. intellectuals) have the privilege and the responsibility to emancipate - ourselves and others who don't have such power. whites are the most important key to anti-racist efforts. if those in power do not take a stand on racism, it will never be fully dismantled. in the same vein, if i with my access to knowledge and power do not challenge the ivory tower from within, it can never fully be toppled. i've become more aware of this now that i've been in direct practice for three years. if i don't get subverted by the institution, i can help change the institution.

on another note, i am planning on joining my girlfriend Sunny in southeast Asia for a few weeks next spring. tonight i checked into flights and discovered i can use my frequent flier miles to get there and back, no additional cost to me. as she has challenged me in the past, "if you say you want to be a traveller, then TRAVEL." so i'm planning on flying into Hanoi in late March and flying out of Ho Chi Minh City (saigon) in mid April. i plan to "celebrate" my 34th birthday in "the killing fields", a place i've longed to see for myself. i long to experience (albeit in a brief and shallow way) the culture/history deeply impacted by senseless fear and slaughter. i know i am extremely privileged. i can hardly understand social justice without fully understanding social injustice.

on even another note, i'll be joining another girlfriend (Esther) in the NW Chorale. singing has been a significant and deeply pleasurable part of my life in the past, and given that my life is nearly completely consumed by work these days, i'm thrilled to participate in a personal activity for sustaining my soul. the best part is, the NW Chorale's primary mission is to raise funds to alleviate local hunger. in november, i'll be posting the times/dates for the two free winter concerts offered by the Chorale. the concerts will raise funds through goodwill offerings; proceeds will benefit seattle area food banks.

and this, i heard this great piece on this morning's NPR segment "this i believe." it's called Failure is a good thing. if you can spare five minutes of your day for a quick read (or listen), i recommend it wholeheartedly.

and finally this, a quote from Umberto Eco that came through my Bloglines subscription today: "I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."

but this: no one hardly comments. am i boring?